Come out, come out....wherever you are? I swear searching for underwear after sex is the ultimate "Where's Waldo." Here is a questions that needs answers: Why is it that your underwear is never where you thought you threw them? The Heavens forbids if you have to become David Blaine and do a disappearing act before your partner wakes up. Whereas, you don't want to disturb them but you want to get the hell up out of there.......(you know, the courteous jerk move). This is the face you will make ----> (O_o) if you get caught butt ass naked crawling around using the backlight from your phone trying to be discrete in your underwear voyage (so I've heard). Anyway, the worst of the estrange connection between human and their underwear is.....(drum roll please)......when you are about 17 strokes in and your underwear and sheets decide they want to indulge in their own foreplay. If this is the case your search is now deemed null and void.......In other words you are not finding them shits. Here's an idea.....attach one of those retractable key chains to the elastic part and the other end to the bed post and you have just created an underwear yoyo. The moral of the story is the first person to create a panic button for underwear is going to be a rich S.O.B. MY NAME IS PERRY AND I APPROVE THIS MESSAGE. #CommentsWelcomed.

Sometimes in life you get handed the dented can, but what we fail to realize is that even though the package is damaged the product is still rewarding. ~Me. S/o to this can of Pineapples that just inspired this.

If you are "perfect" then this blog entry does not apply to you, ole stuck up ass. Imperfection is a unique characteristic that can be a turn on for some. Just like that can of Pineapples, even though the can was damaged, the extra discount on the product was attractive. Intelligent people that are non judgemental know that the dents in the can did not disturb the sweet, succulent, amazing taste of those pineapple slices. The same concepts can be applied to people. Society has created in us a "materialistic mind set" but a shirt does the same thing rather you've paid $60.00 or $6.00. Physically challenged people are notorious for this theory, but guaranteed an Ugly, I mean physically challenged people have the most genuine relationship. The moral of the story is the outer casing does not project what the heart represents. MY NAME IS PERRY AND I APPROVE THIS MESSAGE. #CommentsWelcomed. #TeamSevenOrBetter

Secretary: Mr. President, can I see your Stimulus Package?
President: Hell Yeah.......oh wait, you meant the actual paper work.
:Awkward:
99.9 percent of men would have thought the same thing. I bet any amount of money this is how Clinton got caught up in the scandal. Men can NOT help that sex crosses the mind every 6 seconds. We are horny by nature and can't sustain when it comes to using our "stimulus package." Men work off three different brainwaves, both heads and his heart. Whereas, the female works off one or the other (one head & heart) rarely both at the same time. "Peep game" or for my Caucasian readers "understand this" A man tends to stimulate the mind of the women in order to capture the heart of a women and in return she stimulates his package. Hence, a stimulus cycle. Study show that a woman is more intrigued with a mans thought process then his overall looks and yet men have not figured that out. Ladies, before he offers you his "stimulus package" make sure the clauses are to your liking. The moral of the story is every person comes with a "Terms and Agreement" page don't just click ok.

*Presses play on the DVD player* 1 and 2 and 3 and 4 and get them sit ups right....You guessed it!!! If you don't burn 1,000 plus calories while engaging in pelvic thrusting, your partner ought to report you to the Better Business Bureau for poor customer service. There is nothing worst than an out of shape f*ck. Cardio should of been a prerequisite for dating. According to a poll somewhere.....lazy sex is the number two reason why people leave or cheat (I made that up, but it sounds true). Ladies, if you just so happen to stop gyrating when the "nut" is right there because you got tired, prepare yourself to be punched in the throat (preferably the back of the neck region) for my "reverse cowgirl" lovers. Men, if you "cum" before she does, your loose sperm ass better grab a knife and fork and commence to chow down. This is random, but what if there was a Billy Blanks and Denise Austin porno. Can you imagine masturbating to that? Forearms would be tired as shit. Anyway, the moral of the story is Gatorade will soon sponsor pornographic events....Remember, I said it first. MY NAME IS PERRY AND I APPROVE THIS MESSAGE. #CommentsWelcomed.

Awww, isn't that cute? Eskimo kisses and matching outfits for Great America. "Kneegro Pleaz" If you don't get your Khloe & Lamar mixed with Down Home with the Neelys looking ass out of here (google it).......(just kidding), but you do have to be special......(ed) to match though......(just kidding, again). For real, expressions of "real love" are wonderful, when its with the one you love. Anywho, this is what we call "little Debbie." You know, the brand of those little hostess cakes at your local convenient store that use to be a quarter, but inflation caused a price spike in junk food......(stupid inflation....yeah I got mad....And???). Anyway, don't get me wrong, there is nothing wrong with making the one you are with feel special by engaging in silly acts of love but, "caking" has evolve over the years. There was a time when it was cool to sit on the phone and listen to each other breathe, now a days technology has messed around a devalued the "caking" experience. What use to be an intimate event of affection is now watered down with the simplicity of updating your "relationship status" on Facebook. Men, if you can't cook, atleast learn how to "bake a cake." Shout out to those strawberry swiss rolls. The moral of the story is Zuckerberg messed around and got married on your goofy ass while your relationship status is still "Its Complicated." MY NAME IS PERRY AND I APPROVE THIS MESSAGE. #CommentsWelcomed

 

*Singing* I'm a sucker for corn rolls and manicured toes....." *record scratches* Wait a minute...Oh, so we just let Nelly get away with saying "Manicured" toes. Anyway, rap history has shown us that men are in love with a woman's head and feet. For example, if she gives good head, has a good head on her shoulders and has good hair plus wears heels, can stand on her own two feet (independent) and they believe in upkeep, she is indeed worthy of whatever. In other words, if she understands that giving a great blowjob in stilettos while you play in "her" hair (not the Koreans), then she gets up and walk out the door, she can easly get that fifty dollars to get that mani/pedi......Just kidding ladies, maybe? Check this out......Guaranteed a man will go Head over Heels for a woman that gives him Head in Heels. Hell, He'll even Head over a Hill to put her Heels over her Head if she is looking to be sexually Healed. Try saying that three times fast? The moral of the story is ladies, if you "Suck" at being a person at least do it with heels on. *Kanye shoulder shrug* ¯\_(O_o)_/¯  MY NAME IS PERRY AND I APPROVE THIS MESSAGE. #CommentsWelcomed

Click here first -----> here <----Listen, then continue the reading......You know what? A hard head make a soft ass, click the DAMN link ---->If you don't click here NOW, that's your ass <---- We Exceed Expectations Deliberately.......Thank you!!! Wasn't bad, right? This has to be the most inspirational "pot" song ever. This song is deep on so many levels, but it takes a smokers mind to break it down, get it "break it down." nevermind....... *grabs The Dr. Dre and Wiz Khalifa Album* and commence to zone out (The Chronic & Rolling Papers). Weed has been categorized as a sedative that inhibits neurons in the brain that effects the cognitive thinking. Now in this song the artist mentions day to day problems that occurs, that typically an avid smoker tends to attempt to clear their mind of. He then counters the verses with a chours that states "What you gone be today? I didn't smoke weed today, so what's it gone be today?" INTERPRETATION: Since I didn't smoke to counter my feelings and the problems are still there, now what am I to do? You don't need to smoke weed to offset the problems in your life, because "us" as a society are strong enough that "We can Exceed the Expectations of failure or any negative force Deliberately." The moral of the story is face you problems with sober thoughts because after the "high" is gone you are still going to feel "low." MY NAME IS PERRY AND I APPROVE THIS MESSAGE. #CommentsWelcomed. S/O to #Illymadrich #MuchSuccess #GIG

Men, raise your right hand and repeat after me.....I (Insert Name Here) put this on my mother's head, that if my "Love Muscle" is struggling in its weight class, I would do everything possible to please my women.......Now with that being said, every man has measured their "Love Jones" at one point of time and if they haven't they are too embarrassed to see the results. Lets be real, all men do not have "Mandingo" in their blood line, so there has to be some type of compensation. Put it this way, If you are shooting a .22 caliber pistol and your girl has a bulletproof coochie, you may need to invest in some knee pads. Men, if you are between the age of "grown" and your balls hang lower then your Chuck Woolery "Love Connection" it may be time for some muff diving lessons. (lesson one) Insert two fingers here. (Lesson 2) Lick here. Simple, right?  If you bring your "appetite" to the bedroom, the d*ck will be like the "bill," she is not going to even want to see it. Im just saying 2 fingers and 1 tongue can eliminate her giving you 2 fingers and 1 thumb (gone). The moral of the story is ladies, just like you would want him to know your ring size, you ought to know his thing size. MY NAME IS PERRY AND I APPROVE THIS MESSAGE. #CommentsWelcomed.

Greetings world, its ya boy ZeeDaay again presenting you with the urinal cake of the week. Now I must say, either the human race is getting dumber by the day, or I'm noticing the amount of retarded shit that occurs at a higher rate. Anyway, it was probably about 8 people that deserved to get a urinal cake beaned at them from Randy Johnson while he's standing on top the Sears Tower. (I Know its called Willis Tower, Fuck you tho) But THIS particular woman needs her scented piss pie to be hand delivered by the Dali Lama. 

You all remember OctoMom right? Yeah.... the lady who's box is like throwing a hot dog in a hallway? Well this woman decided to venture into the porn industry. 

Not porn huh? OK..... if i can find your video on "pornhub" or "xvideos" ... then guess what? ITS PORN! Ms Suleman also says she doesn't want "actors" in her video because she fears her 14 kids might find out. (this is what i have a problem with)  Think about that for a second...... You're OK with them finding out that mom uses dildos and metacarpals in videos to please herself for the enjoyment of others, but an actual D**k is going to send them to the social worker sooner? Listen NADYA! There's a 100% chance that your kids already know you're a heaux! You've already done nude photo shoots for rent, you already have 14 kids with no husband, you've already gotten plastic surgery that makes you look like that Mob Wives lady. There's no more guessing. They know already and if they don't i bet the oldest one is laying it on the rest of the siblings smooth and easy. Just admit you're a heaux and go for the $1mil they offered you to do the horizontal polka with an actual d**k.


Everybody give this Heaux in denial a big urinal flush


                                      But Hey.. What do I know? *splits white owl* 

                                 
                          Patricia Krentcil (Mom takes 5-year-old to tanning salon, **Im still laughing tho**)

We go to great "Lengths" after we "Meter" trying to impress her by going the extra "Mile," in return she only gives an "Inch" when in reality we want the whole "Pi." ~Perry

Serious Question: If time is a form of measurement, is there an equation set in place that calculates a person's willingness to give in? Yes?.... No?....Maybe so? OK, well check this out....There comes a time when a man's thrill for the chase ends and it then becomes a race, a race to the "I'm Finish line" (i.e I'm finish fucking with you). Men respect a challenge, but some women have trouble deciphering between being a "Challenge" and being a "Tease." If you are just not interested in the person then that's a different story but if you are, here is a sure sign to help measure the interest level of an individual to avoid being hurt.....The ability to converse intellectually without any mention of sexual activity. Men will NOT waste intellect on a slut. Straight Up!!! Ladies, weigh your options or continue to be out here looking desperate, claiming you are Team Single when you're actually Team Can't Get Right,. Thanks!!! The moral of the story is if there is no "Pressure" and the "Energy" between two people causes the "Temperature" to rise then it might be "Time" to relieve some "Stress." MY NAME IS PERRY AND I APPOVE THIS MESSAGE. #CommentsWelcomed.

*Pulls out relationship joystick, enters code* Up, Up, Left, Down, A, Right, Down hold select and start to unlock the "hidden agenda." Don't you wish it was that easy? Dating is a "Game" of manipulation that does not have a novice skill level, either you are good at it or you will continue to hit the reset button. Let it marinate. 80% of this generations relationships are built off lies and other agendas. You don't believe me? How many of you are STILL in a relationship over a year and your partner STILL does the little "cute" things that he or she had done while you were in the dating stage.....Don't worry, I'll wait.....Crazy right? Your objective is to confront those lies in the beginning and find out the true purpose of the relationship. Easier said then done you say....WRONG....Not being afraid to ask questions will get you a lot of answers. The moral of the story is since there is no relationship "Cheat Code" you must play the game all the way through and hopefully the challenge keeps you entertained enough to become a classic. MY NAME IS PERRY AND I APPROVE THIS MESSAGE. #CommentsWelcomed.