BLAH BLAH B.L.A.H.

So as I sat here eating my struggle meal (Italian beef , no fries or drink) I got to thinking; should I switch it up this week? Should I? … I think I will….

Instead of revealing who is the urinal cake of the week winner is, (which we all know would be Chad Ochocinco Johnson) I’ll take the time to give you a few pointers on how to avoid these piss pies hand outs from now until February.

Its August 17, 2012.. which means….

1.      Madden 2013 comes out in 11 days

2.      college football kicks off in 13 days

3.      NFL starts in 32 days (DA BEARS!!)

4.      Fantasy football is already underway

Women, if you participate in ANY of the above mentioned… I love you more than you love yourself and you are free to do as you please.

As for the ones who don’t participate in any of the above mentioned, this here is for you.

STAY THE F**K OUT OUR WAY!

You’ve had your time to shine. That restaurant we went to, truth be told…we didn’t want to go. That party for that ugly ass cousin of yours we attended, nah… we ain't want to go to that either. That cancer walk we embarked with you on, hate to say it, but we would rather hot box a car with Newports and Garcia Vegas. But … we did it. Why?... For the betterment of our outstanding relationship. All we ask in return is peace. Kevin Hart started the National Shut the F**k up Day dedicated to the avid football fans. I’m here to take it step further. Lets make it, instead of a day, a whole season. (Can the church say .. Retweet?!) Ladies, if you partake in “this” season, what was wrecked in your relationship can easily be rectified. Trust. Here are a few pointers

1.      when madden comes out next Tuesday at midnight, let him be. He’s going to stay up until 3am. Don’t worry about him though, he’s not cheating on you, I promise. No Madden fan is worried about box until Thursday. Y'all coo. Don’t be that girl that gets cheated on because the side chick did what you couldn’t; Stay the f**k out his way.

2.      When College football starts.. more than likely he’s drunk from the night before, so let his Saturday afternoon be that recovery time. Nothing more pleasant than throwing up with Football on TV. Y'all wouldn’t understand, that’s man sh!t

Here is the MOST important of them all ….

3.      When the NFL starts, understand your problems at work, problems with your family, friends, car, or period cycle won’t have a leg to stand on for 2 days out the week (Sunday and Thursday). Don’t worry about cooking, we don’t have to eat, just make sure we have beer, and if our team loses.. just remain calm, let him settle down, and then offer him some head. He’ll tell his boys he going to marry you… right after the season’s over.

4.      Now, fantasy football is more like a warm up for things to come. We enjoy that sh!t. its fun, competitive, and allows us to be fake important. Don’t mess with that. It’s comparative to “talking” before dating (lol).

There will be an extra section of the Urinal Cake entry for those who chose not to take heed of this simple, yet relationship saving advice. So to all readers, if you encounter someone deserving of a NSTFUS Piss pie just send pics and screenshots to zdizzy09@gmail…….. 

BUT!!..... Chad tho…Chad… my favorite WR in football..

You…. Kept….. the ….. receipt…

But who does that??

I don’t care what they say though… Cookie stuck by Magic when he had that PACK, Hillary stuck by Bill when he let Monica blow on his sax, but she cant put up with a head butt. Cookie and Monica would be ashamed.

But… You….KEPT…… the ….. receipt

I gotta give you a flush bro, as much as hurts my heart, I gotta do it…

Everybody give Chad a ….. flush…..

But Hey What Do I Know?

*Splits White Owl*