Shoutout to my girl @scorpioeyes for this one. We had the pleasure to discuss this topic
Ok, you got them drunk, you got them “ready”, you got them to your home; you did the horizontal poker, (Family Matters Reference for the 80’s babies) now your trying to figure out a way to gracefully dismiss them from your presence. What do you do? What do you say? You must be careful when executing this because the main goal is to say something that won’t hurt their feelings, but let them know that your home ain’t theirs. Remember I’m just here to help. Here are 3.
“So………. What you finna do?”
-This is one of the oldest lines in the book. It’s simple and straight to the point. Women and men alike are wired to notice certain clues, and this is one of them. Remember you have to sound somewhat concerned. (Goal is to leave them with enough confidence that they can return next week…… or so I’ve heard) Elevate your voice; sit on the edge of the bed. IMPORTANT: Don’t face them… just turn your head a little so they see one eyeball. Eye contact will force the other party to ask you unwanted questions, you don’t want that folks.
“Man….. What time you gotta go to work tomorrow?”
Once again, don’t forget the main ingredient; CONCERN. This line oozes concern. You’re asking about their life outside of the nasty shit yall just did which by the way, might translate to “caring”. Be careful with this line. Even though you’re trying to get the “what time you gotta go to work” question returned so you can say some ridiculous early start time, the other party might think you REALLY might like them. Don’t elevate your voice on this one. Keep it monotone and drowsy. Half turn and no eye contact with this question still is a must.
Ok… this one is for the people that want to leave and don’t want to stay. I’ve heard this one works the best if you’re traveling a good distance back to the crib. (Over 15min)
“Man ….. let me hurry up and beat this traffic”
(Lmaooooo!)
I must admit I’ve used this one before….
Its late, you’re far away from home, and you don’t want to stay. Use this! I promise it works, but I guarantee you’ll get a turned up face. Never mind that face, keep the mission alive. They are going to ask why you are leaving. It’s up to you to create the best “traffic is a motha” statement you can. Your answers should vary depending on the distance you have to travel. You can’t say,”It’s gonna take me forever” if they know you work 10 minutes away from your home.
Remember the need to show concern. That guarantees the drawls at a later time. Now, you could be an asshole if you wanted to, but only in the times where you don’t want to see this person again. If the nasty was good, I wouldn’t suggest it.
Once again, remember, Im only here to help
Close the door, I have payroll to finish
-HR-
5 comments
I'll go back up and read it now. HR, you rock!
Posted on February 1, 2013 at 3:14 PM
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Posted on February 1, 2013 at 4:04 PM
OMG...HILIARIOUS!! I have soooo totally used that traffic line before. (It helps that I do actually live at a minimum of 30 minutes from anywhere in the city.)Works every time!! I'm sayin this is the most insightful H.R. Dept I have ever encountered! Great Job
Posted on February 1, 2013 at 4:50 PM
Dead ass - "what you Finna do" is my buck question - no matter your response I ask "what you Finna do?" I'm Audi 5000 lmfao
Posted on February 4, 2013 at 1:13 PM
funny as shit but i must admit that these do work!! Especially the So........What You Finna Do??
Posted on February 5, 2013 at 9:08 AM
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