Urinal Cake
I'm Straight No Chase Her
If she is fine as WINE there is no need to CHASER, its only makes it HARD to LIQUOR when you are extra THIRSTY. Dos Equis (xx) my friend!!! Which means you are already on your third strike. There is nothing worst than someone who doesn't know their limits. Anyway, if she is Top Shelf, straight and on the rocks (diamonds) is the best way to ingest it (put a ring on it). Question? Do you think redbull and Hennesy had a meeting and was like "I would like you to alter my taste?" That was rhetorical ....(check this out) When CHASING you "cheat" by covering up the actual taste in which it is intended to be, the emotions end up becoming watered down in order to make it more suitable for the person that it will benefit the most (the drinker), so you have already started the relationship as a cheater, let that marinate. Now watch this, I'm bout to blow your mind....The word "chase" is a watered down word (no pun intended) women use to replace the word men look at the situation as which is "to hunt". Women consider the "chase" to be a game while men look at "hunting" as a technique or skill. When you "hunt" your prey it is then considered to be your "game." After a man capture his "game" it becomes a show piece and he is off to "hunt" again. Mind Fuck 101, right? Do you get were I'm going? Lets take another approach. Blink if you know who Tom & Jerry are....ok, cool....Tom has "chased" Jerry for years, when its in Tom nature to actually "hunt" mice. Women love the thrill of the chase just as much as men love the thrill of the hunt, therefore it is a recurring cycle that will continue to continue......if that makes any sense. Now this is where things get a little complicating. What distinguishes us from those animalistic ( I made that word up) instinct is that we actually have the ability to eliminate the "chase" & "hunt" aspect and dive right into a relationship but the only way that will work is through communication. This is why the writers never gave Tom & Jerry voices because it would of been a short cartoon series. The moral of the story is the fastest way to your destination is in a STRAIGHT line, but that is only if you are not drunk. MY NAME IS PERRY AND I APPROVE THIS MESSAGE. #CommentsWelcomed.
What Bitches Like
I already know that IMMEDIATELY this title has probably both intrigued and offeneded you, right? Completely understandable but I must let you know before we begin our journey together that the word "bitch" will appear in each and every one of my posts and you will like it. My name is Ebony but my people call me Ebo. If you're following me on Twitter the name is @SheGottaBig_EBO and I am somewhat like the Commissioner of all the things that bitches love. Now, maybe we should back up. I'm not one of those feminist type of chicks that feel the word "bitch" is offensive and derogatory to women. Nope! Not at all! Why? Because the term can be used on a daily basis to empower women of all types if used in the right context by the right person. I use this term with my friend-bitches, my relative-bitches and even some bitches I don't know! My Twitter followers actually look forward to my daily dose of "What Bitches Like" which is probably the reason I'm here today. Today, I'd actually like to start off with something a little more lighthearted...the infamous world of dating. Realistically, I'm doing this for the men because it's come to my attention that while you may think you know what bitches love...you actually don't. I feel that we'll focus primarily on the preliminaries of dating. You know, the chase.
Let's set the scene. You're at the club and you see a little lady and she's looking like a winner. So you slide over while the throwback jams are playing, you know? R.Kelly, New Edition...all the songs that indicate that you need to find your prospect ASAP. So you're grinding up on her because everybody knows bitches love slow jams (especially old school slow jams). The music changes back to something undanceable like Jeezy or something and now it's time for the kill. So you ask little mama "Hey girl, can I have your number?" (Let's just say for the sake of time you have already gotten her name. In real life please don't forget that part.) She says "Yeah. Give me your phone". This is where you earn massive points believe it or not. It's important to have some sort of awesome piece of mobile device. Bitches love, and I do mean LOVE, smartphones! iPhones and Androids get you the most points. Blackberrys are kind of played but it's better than a flip phone. You don't want to be that dude that pulls out a flip phone because you will more than likely not get the real number. So you get the number (winning) and you're thinking you actually might like this chick so you're gonna text her when you get to the car. Now everybody knows that bitches of all shapes, colors and sizes love text messages. It's important to text immediately after the club and not 2 hours after you've left. You don't want the bitches to think you're trying to get ass unless of course you are but we'll save that for another day. Most bitches love the feeling of being pursued by someone they actually like so you will learn that if a bitch likes you, there will be times when she'll text you first and start the conversation, unless she's busy. The text will not contain one word responses, If they do become short and choppy texting conversations it's safe to say the bitch don't like you anymore. Leave it alone. Bitches DON'T like a pushy, whining, oversensitive dude. Learn to recognize the signs. I feel like this may be enough for today. I mean, I wanna help you all out but I can't give you everything all at once.
Going forward I'll ensure that I keep the info coming because everyone knows that bitches love a comeback. You remember the Tupac hologram? Bitches were screaming Tupac's name for 2 weeks. Yup. Bitches love comebacks so with that being said...I'll see you next week.
The G Spot...A Woman's Zone: Foreplay
Welcome to the G Spot….The Woman Zone (Explicit Content)
"Foreplay"
Thanks for stopping by The G Spot…The Woman Zone…I’m what you may consider your tour guide for the sexy ride through the questions, concerns and exploration of sexuality today. Our first stop is Foreplay. I must admit I’m a big fan of foreplay…and to be honest most people believe kissing and oral sex is the only aspects of foreplay. I must tell all of you who think that way... you’re wrong! Foreplay does include those things but it is not limited to that. As a matter of fact there is no right or wrong way to “foreplay” it’s all about knowing your partner well enough to trigger exceptional pleasure in your partner. A good example is how most women need extended stimulation to reach an orgasm, and foreplay is a great way to help her achieve that. The one thing all must remember is that the creating the right environment is a huge factor in foreplay and orgasms. Here is a list of things to consider before even starting the joys of foreplay:
1. Paying attention to detail aka creating the perfect mood for sex
2. Take your time…don’t rush the foreplay. The whole purpose of foreplay is to build the intensity and sexual arousal.
3. If you’re too shy to explore his or her body with your hands or mouth you probably shouldn’t even be having sex…There is no room for the passive in sex.
4. Don’t be afraid to ask for what you want or tell your partner to try something different. {A Closed mouth cant give head(my spin on closed mouths cant get fed!)}
5. Get creative…blindfold your partner and make them rely on the other senses, not being able to see what’s happening next is a sure way to enhance the sexual anticipation. It’s a form of sensitive foreplay, as is kissing, strip teasing, massaging, and petting yes I said petting!
6. And last but not least women want the romance, and the intimacy just as much as we want the orgasm and the great sex. It’s on our partner to know us well enough to give us a balance of both. Don’t replace kisses with head…give us both. Don’t rush the foreplay to get to the sex give us a mix of both…Don’t assume because she doesn’t complain that she is satisfied completely, always keep it fresh and switch it up…there is nothing worse than predictable, boring sex…and if you’re not having sex on the regular or getting those calls for sex I’m willing to bet the bank your sex is boring and or predictable. Cant hurt to switch it up a lil bit…you may discover something else you enjoy.
Now before I say my goodbyes until next Tuesday please understand I’m an equal opportunity supporter. And in this particular case I mean women you cant expect to just suck a dick and be done with it. If that’s the only form of foreplay you feel you can give your guy cool…but honestly switch it up. Throw a few frozen grapes in your mouth while giving him head, the warmth from your mouth and the cold from the grapes provide a wonderful sensation on his man parts, worried about the grapes being in the way…try a cold beverage instead. Go to a Tantric store and get the numbing gel for your throat to make it easier to deep throat and if all that fails porn is always a great resource to pick up new moves and suggestions! Tonight homework assignment: Sex focusing on foreplay…implement a new move or trick that you normally don’t do…can’t wait to hear about it kiddies…the nastier the better…happy humping!...Fee B.
The Lady is a Tramp (Explicit)
If you are a fan of the blog, you know damn well this entry is not about a Disney movie discussing A "bitch" and her quest for love.....or is it? Y'all know my mind ain't right. Now, if you are reading this and you are under the age of 18, the word "bitch" is in regards to the scientific term for a female dog...so shhhh, don't tell, but if you are over the age of 18, then, "bitch" keep reading.....just kidding and you will see why. With that being said, adjust accordingly. The word "bitch" in this entry is referred to as the term that is found on urban dictionary.com. The word "bitch" is a derogatory term used to demoralize the true identity of a subject, also is the word "Tramp." "Tramp" is also used as a derogatory term to identify a subject that engages in irregular sexual acts. Ok, enough with the language arts lesson, these "Bitches & Tramps" know what they are. Here is a story I just made up....Now for the sake of argument and relevance to the theme of this blog, lets call this particular "bitch".....uh, I don't know...."Lady"....yeah that'll work.....ok, good.......Here we go, Lady began just as what her name represented, a strong intelligent feminine species, but over time and a mixture of peer pressure and ill advised training she began to become a self-conscious tramp in search for approval. Lady began to allow her self-conscious emotions dictate her overall judgement and make hasty decisions, she began marking her territory in every mans home who showed her attention. She figured in order for her to love herself she had to be loved and accepted by someone else, WRONG!!! Lady figured that love had to come from a man and his "bone" and giving Lady that "bone" in her mind was a sign of affection and acceptance. Now this "bitch" whom was once a Lady in character, but because of her search for love in all the wrong places and being misused and emotionally mishandled has now become a bitter mutt. She is beginning to bark at everyone that comes near her and is defensive of her surroundings. "Bitch" I'm sorry to inform you, but because of the decisions you've made sparingly they have caused you to be nothing more than impound pussy. Unless you relocate and change your identity which some "bitches" are good at doing, you are S.O.L (shit outta luck). There is no amount of spaghetti that will bring your lips in contact with another, especially if you cooked it (mama always said "never trusts a hoes spaghetti"). Fin. You have just read the revamped version of "The Lady and the Tramp" the "The Lady is a Tramp." I hope you enjoyed. The moral of the story is (singing) this old man, he played six, he played knick knack with his d*ck, with a knick knack paddy whack, gave that bitch a bone, that old man kept rolling along......and left that bitch and didn't want anything else to do with her, now she stuck, looking like who did it and what for, ole stank attitude ass....."BIOTCH". MY NAME IS PERRY AND I APPROVE THIS MESSAGE. #CommentsWelcomed
Urinal Cake: NBA Finals Edition
The Day After
It has been decided by a group Harvard ratchets whom are also members of a prestigious organization called "Ce I Cumalotta" which is also apart of the Illuminati, that June 18th has officially been recognized as BD Day. This day is meant to recognize all of the sperm donors for their contribution to the world for providing us with the next generation of thugs, strippers, gang members and hoes. "We would like to thank you for helping keep the balance in the universe. Without your contribution and lack of respect for the human race, we would not have anyone to point the finger at. Again, we say thank you," said the ratchet chairman President. "Your selfishness keeps the June 17th men humble and motivated to not be you, keep up the good work," another chairperson mentioned. They also stated that on this day, all women that has been impregnated and has or is experiencing this "Baby Daddy" type of male, slap yourself....(wait)....in front of your "bastard child" for thinking you can "trap" a man with a baby.....It's ok, there is no no shame, the embarrassment has been done already.....Now, there is an understanding that we can not shift all the blame on you new generation hoes, (I only call you hoes because I don't know your actual profession), but you too are a product of an ain't shit male and an overly emotional female a.k.a Mom and dad, you are just reciprocating what you saw as a child. Anyway, where there is a negative there is always a positive that can stem out from the chaos. I can foresee this holiday being very lucrative. You will see the first Hallmark card in you local Dollar General store. It will read as followed: (front) Happy Baby Daddy Day....(inside) Fuck You.....insert Child Support Subpoena here (signature) love a bitch that Had no sense. With all cards comes a envelope, but this particular card will also come with a stamp to mail it off and a condom (durex)....hey, at least she is trying to prevent the cycle from continuing. All proceeds will go to the G.E.D fund in High schools across America. The moral of the story is if you not ready to be a Father, than you might not want to do the "grown up." MY NAME IS PERRY AND I APPROVE THIS MESSAGE. #CommentsWelcomed
Urinal Cake
Urinal Cake
The Lupe Effect
Deep Talk
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Miranda Writes
She has the rights to remain silent.
Anything you said or did will be used against you in the bedroom.
You have the right to plead your case.
If you don't have a valid reason for your actions, you are shit out of luck. ~Some chick name Miranda
*Singing in falsetto* R. Kelly "When a woman fed up"
A woman's memory is looooooonnnnnnnngggggg. A female will remember even the smallest things, even if it doesn't pertain to the current situation. Example Scenario: You didn't change out the toilet paper roll after using the last.....ok....and scene.....(in my hoodrat voice while rolling my neck) Remember in '92 when you gave that hoe some toilet paper when her nose was bleeding, flirting and shit. You my man, you should of just let that trick nose bleed. Now, this is where shit gets real. (girl punches herself in the nose). Where is my tissue at, huh? (blood drips on floor) Guess what? No p*ssy for you tonight. Guy: But, but......(women storms out of room)......and scene.....*waits for applause* *crickets* *drops mic* *screams* SEXY CHOCOLATE *exits stage left*
Alright, it may not be that extreme but a female's mental diary is dangerous. They mentally write and store everything. Depending on how strenuous the situation is, that will determine which writing utensil they use. Word of advice for men, you want to stay away from the Pen. The moral of the story is if she use the pen, remember a "real man" got that "white out." *skeet skeet skeet* MY NAME IS PERRY AND I APPROVE THIS MESSAGE. #CommentsWelcomed.
Surrogate Thoughts
Urinal Cake
