BLAH BLAH B.L.A.H.

DISCLAIMER: I love basketball and p*ssy (typical man)......Men, what is a females favorite line?....I know right, they have so many, you would swear they'd have more "game" then a man.....(they do, but that's another blog). Anyway, let me help you out....Its the generic phrase "Its the little thing that counts." As complicated as women are or portray to be, I can attest that there is truth behind this phrase. Men, let me learn you something really fast, it will only take a second. A women's main priority in a relationship is to be a priority. Ladies, can I get an AMEN? (Look at all the women reading this sit up straight in their chair). Men, the easiest way to attempt this satisfaction is to have countless night laying up and talking about nothing. Any missed opportunity for a "layup"and discussion gives the other team a chance to score. Its ok....you didn't want to talk about how the day went or who pissed her off at work, but you better believe there is someone else willing to listen. (A man that listen, hears the opportunity ~ Perry).  The moral of the story is layups are so easy but it takes that extra effort in getting to the 'hole" so we just settle for jumpoffs, I mean jumpshots. Let it marinate. MY NAME IS PERRY AND I APPROVE THIS MESSEGE. #CommentsWelcomed.   

"Time is a Terrible Thing to Waste" or was it a "A Mind..." Whatever!? Anyway some of you are probably like (*sucks teeth* and in your ratchet voice) "don't he mean "Cock Block?" No!......Clock Block (v) the act of an individual consciously or unconsciously wasting your time. Everyone can admit that they have either been on the giving or receiving end of Clock Blocking. This act of inconsideration tends to occur within relationships and so called friendships. (Theory 1.0) These Violators of Time or Vots for short, tend to not wear watches. Watches to Clock Blockers are like sunlight to a vampire, it doesn't mix. (Theory 1.1) The watch band around the wrist is too similar to handcuffs, which indicates commitment. (Theory 1.2) The perpetrator doesn't value time enough to understand that it takes "less time' to look at your wrist than to pull out a mobile device, unlock it and then read the time. The moral of the story is if  VALUE your time you may need to re-eVALUEate your circle. MY NAME IS PERRY AND I APPROVE THIS MESSAGE. #CommentsWelcomed.

Hair is to women as winning is to an athlete. Yeah it is that serious. There is this new hair trend called a sew in and when bitches get a sew in their attitude turns into so what. Example, "so what I was just bald on Monday, look today (Tuesday) I have a 14 inch weave." " So what its not my real hair, I paid for it so technically it is mine." "So what this sew in makes my head look big, but my part is invisible."  Get you stupid sounding ass out of here. Men it is our fault this has become so popular, we idealize the Beyonce's and the Kelly Rowland's therefore we make women feel the need to compete. Don't get me wrong, there is not one (straight) man that wouldn't  "Rod Out" both of those ladies, but where are the women that are confident in their own hair. Men, lets reverse the attitude when we see a women with a sew in, lets be like "so what you paid all that money for it, now you look like you have on an expensive helmet." Or  "so what if your part is invisible that's not what I'm looking at when you giving me head anyway."  I'm just saying If  your man stops you in the middle of a blow job and says "baby where is your part?" You may have other problems on your hands. The moral of the story is team natural will always be considered "real." Let it marinate. MY NAME IS PERRY AND I APPROVE THIS MESSAGE. #CommentsWelcomed

Room smelling like Sea World and she still got her pants on. Men, what do you do in a situation like that? Do you A- act like you're hot open a window and continue with four play, B- tell her or C- redirect your attention to something else (i.e Twitter, Facebook). If you said B or C, you are a lying. You know you will still engage, you would just breathe through your mouth instead of your nose (The Thirst). Ladies, we know that you are not immune to the smell because you are quick to point out the flaw on another female. So what is it, do you consider it to be a mating scent? All jokes aside, there is nothing sexy about smelling like Free Willy's bath water. You may need to give your p*ssy a peppermint. Men, Do Not be afraid to tell her that her snapback ain't fresh, because she will definitely tell you about yours. The moral of the story is if she has Red Lobster Coochie she may only be worth McDonald money. Let it Marinate. MY NAME IS PERRY AND I APPROVE THIS MESSEGE. #CommentsWelcomed

Loose Change-(n) A person with every intent to fit in with any crowd. Does not obtain his/her own identity and allows other's social status to determine their outcome.
Basically, a pocket full of pennies mentality. Pennies cannot stand alone, they must combine themselves with others in order to become relevant. No one really likes a penny, they are the most discarded coin in the world. People only keep them around for just in case purposes. Loose change has the characteristics of being loud, heavy and hard to manage. Let that marinate. Try reaching in your pocket, full of pennies, nickles, dimes and quaters with an attempt to pull out one dollar, its practically impossible. The number combination would be enormmous. In other words, no one wants to be around a person that will make a simple situation difficult. The moral of the story is find your identity as a bill and leave the change in the jar. Not all "change" is good. MY NAME IS PERRY AND I APPROVE THIS MESSAGE. #CommentsWelcomed.   

*Singing in my Rihanna Vc* It was a Mistake Take Take Take Take Take....(She trying to erase my name from it).....Men, we were blessed with TWO "heads" one we use for cognitive development and the other just "hangs" around. Use this as an analogy, one head goes to school and is focused and the other head is chilling on the "block" looking for fast cash and street credit.We as men tend to use the head that doesn't have to the ability to make intellectual decisions the most because it seems easier. According to Savon Garrison from the movie Love Jones and I quote: "When a man gets a hard on, you know where the blood come from, right? His head and his feet. So A - he's stupid and B - he can't run." If that ain't the truth. The time you allow your street cred head to make the decision for you, It can be the biggest mistake of your life. Trust.  Sex is like playing chess, you should be thinking 3 to 6 move ahead and only the head with the degree in common sense knows that. The moral of the story is nutting good cums from "hanging" around. MY NAME IS PERRY AND I APPROVE THIS MESSAGE. #CommentsWelcomed.

A useless insect or a girl that nags, either way they are both pest. Just for today the insect gets the night off but you ladies with the battery operated voice box need to go re lick some used postage stamps and catch mono so you can STFU. All day, everything you say ends with a question mark, example: "Can you..." "Would you..." "I thought we..." NO Bitch, is what men are "thinking" but "Yeah, sure bae" is what men say (we know better). Ladies, there is an understanding that you may need help or clarification on something, but please only ask during commercials. Here are a few rules for you ladies that will keep the negative vibes to a minimum.  Ladies do not bug your man if he is about to beat his old kill streak record on Call of Duty. Ladies do not bug your man if he just ate (unless its for sex), men will catch that cramp for some p*ssy. Ladies do not bug your man if you just had him do somethin 5 minutes ago, there is an unwritten 30 minute "Ask me" rule. I hope this guide has been a help to you lady bugs. Buzz on, but with consideration. The moral of the story is "head" will get what you want at any time. MY NAME IS PERRY AND I APPROVE THIS MESSAGE. #CommentsWelcomed.

If you worked for me I'm piss testing my whole company on 4/21 and whoever didn't test positive for THC would be suspended on the spot. First of all my "ideal" company/brand will cause for creative thinking and now a days only high motherfuckers think outside the box anyway. Fact, The guy who created the DNA Double helix design Francis Crick was "zooted" on LSD a hallucinogen. As a boss the only 4/20 I care about are the four twenties with Andrew Jackson on them. Plus "pot heads" will be cheap labor (Thinking like a Boss), you wouldn't even have to pay them a check all you would have to offer is the key to the vending machine,  mandatory nap breaks and rolling papers and for overtime just offer a Madden tournament. The interview process will go something like this....."Roll this" "Flame up" *cough cough* "I didn't know you like to get wet" "Just kidding, pass it you stingy motherfucker" Welcome aboard. The moral of the story is until this company exists please smoke responsibly or not at all. P.S good luck when that mass email goes out Monday morning saying "Mandatory Drug Test" MY NAME IS PERRY AND I APPROVE THIS MESSAGE. #CommentsWelcomed.   

Working to make the next person rich...Now that shit cray. Through thorough and precise research, I have  concluded my hypothesis on why it is call Gross and Net. "Gross" is the name giving because when you take a look at your paycheck you damn near throw up and "Net" is because corporations pay you just enough to trap your dumb ass. If you work a typical 9-5, I can guarantee that you have cursed out your check out before. These taxes are what I like to call "the pimps" of the check stub. They take a chunk of your earnings and you do all the work...Who in the hell is FICA? That son of a bitch is ruthless. If you replace the "I" and "A" with a "U" and "K" then you get exactly what they don't give, a "FUCK." I don't know about you but I'm to the point were I want to be paid in gum....Wait, nevermind cause you can't even eat a piece of gum without a motherfucker asking for a stick, ole bad breath bastards. The moral of the story is I hope whoever is in charge of filing the W2's for the IRS get a paper cut everytime they touch mines. MY NAME IS PERRY AND I APPROVE THIS MESSAGE. #CommentsWelcomed.

Welcome to Club Silk Sheets. Ladies free before whenever. Undress Code Strictly Enforced. Cum & Enjoy.........Ok, that was my poor attempt of a club promotion plugger. Anyway, we all know the overall goal is to be butt ass naked by the end of four play, but what do you wear up to that point?....Freaks don't count, 9 times out of 10 you are not wearing any underwear.(Flashback) Remember growing up your mother would tell you, "before you leave out of THIS house you better have on some clean underwear, you may have to go to the hospital and you not gone embarrass me." (maybe that was just my mother, but please apply this rule if you don't already). Same thing applies when you go to your significant others home. In this case, according to a Twitter poll, ladies should have a matching bra and panty set (lingerie) or preferably boy shorts and tank top and that doesn't have to match. Men, boxer briefs and a tank top or shower towel and Timberlands. The extra sense of style make the experience all the better. Don't get me wrong, if you not wearing any of the above articles of clothing doesn't mean sex is not going to happend, but it will defiantly enhance it. The moral of the story is with the lights off everything matches. MY NAME IS PERRY AND I APPROVE THIS MESSAGE. #CommentsWelcomed.

(Decode if you can).....That pleasurable experience the first time with an attempt to mimic that same feeling over and over again., sounds like an addiction to me. Some of you hoes are "overdosing" though. Instead of sticking with one dealer, you out here trying out everybody's product (lack of loyalty).... Ladies, don't get me wrong, men out here falling in love with the ass to, you can call them "crack" heads.  Men hear they have 3 for the 10 of the "reggie" around the corner, when they got "kush" at home....going for quanity over quality. Sometimes less is more, "put that in your pipe and smoke it." This day and age everybody "shopping" with everybody, so you have to be careful who you "cop" from,  it may be "laced" with H.I.V and S.T.D. The moral of the story is home grown is always better. MY NAME IS PERRY AND I APPROVE THIS MESSAGE. #CommentsWelcomed. #GreenLeaf

*Singing* She got that wet wet, shawty got that wet wet....Flocka!
Yes Lawd! Where the women at with the swimming pool coochie? With that life guard on duty coochie. Ladies, men do not want a female with a Sahara Dessert "box." If you have that sand paper snatch, you might be burning. Ladies, if the fragrance of your "box" is anything less then the smell of Welches and it don't leak like a squeezed Capri Suns, we have a problem. If a man have to spit on his penis during sexual intercourse, your cooch is wack, this is not a sign of endearment. If that is the case, you now have two problems; you have a dry "box" and it will smell like breath soon. Women do us a favor, if you have the problem were your vaginal area is like band-aid glue, please inform your partner before hand. The moral of the story is douche bitch with yo nasty ass. MY NAME IS PERRY AND I APPROVE THIS MESSAGE. #CommentWelcomed.

The closet is used for clothes, coats and shoes, so get your ass out of it (no pun intended). If you feel you can't tell anybody that you are a homosexual then maybe you shouldn't be one. Perpetrating your sexuality is an asshole move (no pun intended). You are the one that chooses to like boys so man up and except it (no pun intended). Don't give us this "I was born this way" because the God I serve created Adam and Eve not Adam and Steve. This is not by any means an attempt to bash gays, but to encourage acceptance. If you gay you gay. Word of advice though: don't "try" somebody that is not, because you might get your ass beat up (no pun intended). Now a days you can't tell a thug from a pug. Men out here with braids and panties on, come on son, that is not cool. You are not R. Kelly, you are not trapped in the closet. The moral of the story is if you tuck your penis in between your legs you need to tell somebody. MY NAME IS PERRY AND I APPROVE THIS MESSAGE. #CommentsWelcomed.

Bitch Ass Broad You - Make Any Man Angry                         
Broke Ass Bum You - Dont Assist Doing Diddly Yac

Yeah, its sad I know, but it is what it is. If you don't like it, do something about it. What ever happen to the "original family" not this "extended family" mess? You knew the Guy/Girl wasn't shit when you got with them, now you got a kid(s) and that's when you decide "I dont need you" where is the logic in that. If you are physically or mentally abused thats another story, but if you just decide to up and leave because you don't want the responsibility (men) or you think independance is the answer (women), do all us tax payers a favor and do some barefoot jumping jacks in lot of broken glass. The moral of the story is think first react last. Don't make the children suffer. MY NAME IS PERRY AND I APPROVE THIS MESSAGE. #CommentsWelcomed #DiddlyYac  #PSA

That awkward moment when your condom is baggy. If you have to tuck the tip of the condom under like a sock, then you may need to go back to the Durex. I commend the confidence, but a baggy Magnum is like wearing no Magnum at all. I can almost guarantee that you are going to lose it within the first six strokes. It is a shame how the "Gold Package" has been made into a status symbol instead of being used for its original purpose. Men walk around with that 50 cent piece impression in there wallet like they cool (shaking my head). Look at it this way, If you are a lame and you wear Jordans, then all you are is a lame who wear Jordans, point, blank, period. Men, If you are about to engage in sexual activities and the women sees that you pull out the "Gold Package" they have high hopes of the encounter, but when you fall short of performing then you have just failed everyone who is actually deserving of the "Gold Package."The moral of the story is if you can fit your balls and shaft in the rubber at the same time, give it up playa. MY NAME IS PERRY AND I APPROVE THIS MESSAGE. #CommentsWelcomed.

*In my Morgan Freeman Voice*
Trying to get laid but don't know how to approach the situation? or Are you just afraid of rejection? Here is the solution. If you can fix your lips to say "Lets go have a drink or two" with emphasize on "TWO" then you are one step closer to playing strip twister. Alcoholic beverages today has been known as "liquid courage." Commercial tell you that drinking alcohol can inhibit your ability to operate a motor vehicle, but what they fail to show is that if you do make it home from the bar/club safely (which most of us do) either one or two things has occurred, hell, maybe even both. A- your cell phone has a couple of new numbers in it or B- he/she is leaving your place of residence in the morning. Now depending on your personality, this should indicate if you are a dark liquor drinker (Hennesy, Remy, Crown) or a light liquor drinker (Patron, Ciroc, 1800). If you are the assertive type "brown" will calm you down. If you are the opposite, then "light is alright. The moral of the story is get your scary ass a drink and have you some sex or continue to bookmark xnxx.com. MY NAME IS PERRY AND I APPROVE THIS MESSAGE. #CommentsWelcomed.

Unfortunately this is not a place you take your kids. The biggest mistake made is "accidentally" crossing into the "Friend Zone" notice I said accidentally, because this is not intentional. You might of  had every intention on rocking his or her world, but you slipped up and generated a conversation that caused you to get looked at as a "big brother" or "little sister." Now once that happens MEN, It. Is.  A. Wrap. Ladies you still have a chance, cause if you ever throw him some coochie, that "big brother" title is out the window. The "Friend Zone" is a tricky place to be; mixed signals can be given, deepest secrets are exposed and trust is earned. Even though they are just a "Friend" you still have their heart (Don't break it). Once you fall asleep at there house and you don't engage in any sexual activities (i.e. kissing, titty fondling or a quick fingering or jerkoff) you have just entered the "Friend Zone." The moral of the story is "If you intend to smash, you better address the ass." MY NAME IS PERRY AND I APPROVE THIS MESSAGE. #ComentsWelcommed.

Inspiration comes from the strangest places, who would of ever thought that Twitter could be a strong source for creative insight. You sure cant get that on Facebook with all the drama, trying to decipher who's baby daddy's sister cousin twice removed is fucking. Anyway, there is this guy, you may know him and if you don't, you need to; he Co-Starred in the "Asking All Them Questions video and he is a YouTube phenomenon, he goes by the name SpokenReasons. There is a Motto of his that I have adopted as my own that you can apply to anything. #FCHW: Faith, Consistency, Hard Work. If you apply this to whatever you do, you are guaranteed success. Faith, the substance of things hoped for, with the evidence not yet seen. Basically, believing a positive outcome before the outcome presents itself. Consistency, continued progress, always pushing the limit. Hard Work, self explainatory, nothing in life comes to you without putting in your blood, sweat and tears. Some of you guys may already apply the motto, so if you do....SPREAD THE WORD. A positive and uplifting push can jump start somebodies drive. The moral of the story is you can Pay It Forward without spending any money. Let it marinate. MY NAME IS PERRY AND I APPROVE THIS MESSAGE. #CommentsWelcomed.

Ratchet- As an adjective, it describes a person or activity that is out of hand, out of control, or generally whack in some way.

I love my black people but some of the things you do, me included so we is as by definition "ratchet." Not to be judgmental by any means, but we live in a society where any and everything is not accepted. There is this slight sense to commend you for thinking outside of the box, but I do say slight. Some of you are just bandwagon ratchet, therfore there is hope of saving you. Because you see one or two people do it, you think its cool to copy. For example the "duck" lip camera pose for ladies, sagging" for the fellas and both sexes, talking in incomplete sentences......enunciate dumb ass.....There is nothing worst then a person from the midwest talking like they are from Atlanta. We all know people from Atlanta would not win a spelling bee, but im not judging. If you have to second guess if your grandmother would approve....Its probably ratchet. The moral of the story is even the use of the word "ratchet" is "ratchet" so we just doomed as a race. Damn, oh well. MY NAME IS PERRY AN I APPROVE THIS MESSAGE. #CommentsWelcomed

So there is this picture circulating the web of a "nerd" in what I believe to be is a high school setting, that is pondering the fact that girls are aways pick the thugs. Her captions read as followed: "Don't worry baby he's a nerd" she was addressing that to a shirtless male with tattoos and a gold chain. The second image was a fast forward view a few years later of the same young lady with a baby in arm and one in her stomach and wondering why she couldn't find a good man. The "nerd" of course, is in a nice suit, money in hand and what looks to be a Lamborghini behind him. His caption read as followed: "Beat It Chick." Ladies what is so appealing about a male with tattoos and gold chains rather then a guy with a 4.0 G.P.A. Is it that you think of the "thug" as a protector? or are you fascinated by his alleged street status? Why would you not want someone that does not hold the stereotype of a womanizer? but someone that can mentally challenge you. In the words of Arseno Hall, Things that make you go Hmmmm. The moral of the story is at least get a man that have tattoos and a high G.P.A so you can have the best of both worlds. MY NAME IS PERRY AND I APPROVE THIS MESSAGE. #CommentsWelcomed

*Singing* Back in the days when I was young, I'm not a kid anymore, but some days, I say I wish I was a kid again.

I remember way back when............ guys use to be too "thirsty" to "pop" a females' cherry. Guys didn't even know what that meant, but were too excited when they thought it had been done. Here is the conversation to his friend after a sexual encounter...Guy:"Aye yo you (in a Lyfe Jennings voice), I just smashed so and so." Friend: "You ain't pop that cherry tho" Guy: "Shhhiiiiiittttt, I still got on the t-shirt with the stain on it." Friend: "Let me see." It was said that if you popped a girl's cherry, she was yours forever (Fact or Fiction). Ladies, If your cherry was popped and you are no longer with the "bloody" murderer, I apologise on behalf of the assailant. Make wiser decisions. The moral of the story is its "Pop" not "Soda" you country hicks. MY NAME IS PERRY AND I APPROVE THIS MESSAGE. #CommentsWelcomed.

PSA:
Oh, ok..... so everybody sexing everybody, I honestly do not think this is what they had in mind when they said "Pay It Forward." Some of you women have allowed sex to lose its monetary value. P*ssy use to be worth a gold bar and a vacation stay somewhere exotic, now its only worth a double cheese burger off the dollar menu at McDonalds. Hoes, its not your fault though. I do not blame you, I blame your parents and politicians. Politicians messed the economy up, which made your parent have to work extra hard and take on more hours. Which means your parents did not  have adequate time to raise you and to teach you fully. Your true teacher of life were your peers in schools/streets (who were facing the same problems of lack of leadership) and Black Entertainment Television. No one taught you that sex is an emotional bond linked between the two. You motherfuckers just looked at it as a stat. Men we can be hoes too, this blog is not gender specific. The moral of the story is the next generation is going to be Generation Y me. MY NAME IS PERRY AND I APPROVE THIS MESSAGE. #CommentsWelcomed.

www.letmeputitinyourbutt.com/ ........Don't go trying to click on the site with your nasty self, but if you did its ok. Its 2012 and  freaks are in, not hoes but freaks, thought I might clarify that. Ladies, if you are over 25 years of age and you have not gotten your back door kicked in, your man is a square. Straight up!!!.....Men, Let me learn you something real quick, every women is curious. The reason why you may not have succeeded is because you try to dive right in when you can't even swim. Just like in life preperation is key. Start with a baby oil body rub with a concentration on the glutemus maximus. When massaging oil onto the buttocks secretly insert the thumbs. At this time she should be so induldge in the sensual full body massage that she didn't even realize that your thumb is in her ass. At about this point is where you squirt a table spoon of baby oil directly in the butt hole. With the accessive overflow, rub it on your man parts and commence to knocking on that door. Women are going to do one of two things at this point, they are going to either let you continue or they are going to say "WHAT ARE YOU DOING?" and you polietly respond "nothing." and continue. The moral of the story is with the turds some of you ladies let out without lube, a penis should be no problem going in especially with baby oil. Shout out to Johnson & Johnson.  MY NAME IS PERRY AND I APPROVE THIS MESSAGE. #CommentsWelcomed